pink vibrator, box of bullets.
a memoir of chemical intervention, botched salvations,
and the quiet courage of living on.
In 1993, at thirteen years old, in the days before much was known about the impact of SSRIs on the young brain, Prozac and Zoloft opened the door to an obsession with suicide that led to an adolescence of institutionalization—hospitals, years at an isolated cult-like school, an eventual escape into the dark of night, and homelessness.
Thirty years later, post-COVID and underemployed, a similar promise of salvation was offered. New meds, promised to be free from side effects, delivered familiar ruin: the return of suicidal obsession, another round of institutionalization, and the slow, solitary work of rebuilding a brain and a life.
In a culture of TikTok wellness, adorable menty-Bs, and commodified solutions, mental health crises are not truly destigmatized, and asking for help can immediately make shit ten-thousand times worse. Pink Vibrator, Box of Bullets explores the myth of mental wellness in a sick culture. It's a wry, tender, funny gaze into one human story. It's about a girl born at odds with her culture, harmed by systems designed to help, wandering the fever dream of a depressive disorder into adulthood. It's about the long solitary walk of meaning-making, life-building, and choosing—one more time—to live on.